How I created space in my life for a baby?

I remember early on my fertility journey someone saying to me ‘You need to slow down and create space in your life for a baby’.  Another piece of ‘helpful advice’ I thought from someone who never walked in my shoes or knew the feeling of helplessness when you’re trying for a baby but NO BABY. I kept my fertility journey largely private so I didn’t often come across these kinds of comments but this one stayed with me and the more I thought about it and reflected on it I knew intuitively that my life felt really full. I was working a pretty hectic job, socialising a lot, trying to run a side business and had three step children.  Basically I was prioritising everything and everyone else in my life except myself.  I knew the life I was living was actually contributing to feeling overwhelmed, anxious, highly emotional and sometimes just so exhausted. Creating room for a baby in our life was what we needed to do.

So how do you actually start creating that space in your life so a baby feels safe and welcome in your family?  As a fertility mentor I now ask this question a lot myself and I’m often met with the response ‘I just don’t know how to slow down or how to create that space for a baby in my life’. So let’s explore what creating space in our life actually looks like physically, emotionally, and spiritually as part of the larger holistic journey.

What does your home environment look like?

It seems obvious but is there room in your life for a baby – what does your home look like and can you imagine bringing your little one home there?  Is it warm and inviting?  Are you currently renovating or are you short on space?  Do you have too much stuff and your home feels cluttered?

I remember a few years ago I read Marie Kondo’s #1 New York Times best-selling book on simplifying and organising your home using the KonMari method.  I personally found so much value when I adopted her philosophy for decluttering and simplifying our home which essentially categorises each and every item on the basis of which items in your house "spark joy" (and which don't).  With this simple approach not only will you end up with a tidy home but your energy will feel uplifted, you’ll feel more inspired as you are surrounded only by those items that truly have meaning and significance for you.

There’s no need to pack up and move right away but it’s really worth thinking about your physical environment and whether it’s conducive to having a baby and whether or not you need to make a few small changes to create a loving and welcoming space.

What emotional state are you in?

How are you feeling about where you are at in your life right now?  Is your relationship in a good state?  Are you both on the same page about having a baby? 

There are two things that control your life and they are your emotions and the meaning you give to those emotions.  We always have a choice on how we see a situation. One of the greatest personal growth lessons I have had to learn is learning how to shift my state when I am in a low energy state.  On my fertility journey I often found myself in a pretty shitty state – I was upset, I was frustrated and at times I was angry.  When you train your mind to snap into a new state or a high energy state, things flow and it’s possible to develop that miracle mindset that Gabrielle Bernstein talks about by simply choosing a better perspective. 

One of my absolute favourite tools to shift that perspective is by developing a gratitude mindset.  When you trade your expectations for that of appreciation, everything shifts.  So instead of saying, ‘Why can’t I get pregnant’ you literally flip it and choose the attitude of gratitude and say ‘I’m so grateful I’m learning how to prepare my body so it can nurture and grow my healthy baby’. 

So how’s your emotional state?  Are you really connected to your highest self or are you telling yourself everything is ok when your actual thoughts and feelings are telling you otherwise?  If you need to work on this some more, I suggest you download my 7-day gratitude challenge and let me know if it makes a difference for you.

What’s going on in your mind?

Do you have a stream of thoughts that go round and round in your head on auto-pilot?  Our thoughts are powerful and I often still find the chatter in my head is all consuming.  I know you would have heard the best way to quieten the mind is to take up a meditation practice.  I can hear you saying ‘I’m so busy, I can barely fit in everything I need to do let alone have time to meditate’.  This was me and I still struggle with this and definitely go through phases of having a regular practice and then falling back out again – I’m still a beginner on this journey myself. I’m using the OneGiantMind app at present which breaks down the meditation process into really easy steps.  What I do know for sure is that when you have a regular practice you feel less need to ‘control’ and you allow yourself to ‘be’ and that is the key here.  Letting go and just being is something we have forgotten how to do in this busy world we live.  When you have a baby you’re given permission to just ‘be’ and for some women they can struggle to enjoy this phase as they are so used to jamming in as much as possible into each and every day. This is a powerful lesson for us modern day women to learn.

Developing a Spiritual Practice

I know for some people they may not feel an affinity to a certain religion but developing a spiritual practice is as much about connecting with your highest self than it is to prescribing to the teachings of God, Jesus, Buddha, the Divine or whatever.

For me connecting into my heart and my deepest desires I found I came up against some deep beliefs that no longer served me that I needed to work on before I could take the journey to becoming a mother.  By creating space to develop a spiritual practice you can actually leave a lot of the emotional baggage that you have been carrying around with you behind or at least acknowledge it for what it is and move past it.  This can be incredibly liberating.  The move into motherhood can be scary for many women – it was for me.  By taking some time to work out what motherhood means to you prior to conception you’ll develop a greater capacity of self-awareness but you’ll also learn that you will not always understand why certain things happen and that’s ok too.

Do you find yourself resisting a spiritual practice or have you never thought it relevant to having a baby? 

For me, creating more space in my home and my lifestyle, developing awareness around my emotional state and recognising the importance of doing some inner work before I became a mother really made my journey so much fulfilling.  I’d love to hear your thoughts on whether you can see the importance of how creating space in your life in these ways will make a difference.